“BANGGGG!!” A loud sound shaken the whole place in a heartbeat. We were looking at each other not knowing what just happened. I just shook my head and asked my partner “What happen?” We ran at the window and peep to watch the scene. Thank god the department store was located a place higher than other shopping malls and buildings around. Yet, we were clueless to see who was involved in the crowd down there. A whole bunch of people were gathering around to see what had happened. I told sarcastically to Rina that it must be some sort of funny people around the corner trying to make money by calling the crowd to pay attention to them. She wasn’t taking that as a joke after I heard her serious voice saying “Are you purposely being stupid all the time? If it was someone who was doing practical street performance, why there’s a loud bang?” I paused a moment. I was speechless, why am I behaving like this suddenly? before I could reply to Rina's question, my mind strikes a person which I never wish to imagine for bad feelings as how I am feeling now. What if there's a serious accident happen? Oh Shit!!! Unknowingly, my heart starts pounding very fast. I remembered Ronald, my fiancé who promised to meet me for lunch today, actually now. I looked at the time and tears start dropping without reason. I do not know why and how it happened but it is happening now. “Oh, my God!” I ran as fast as I could to the source of the loud bang, with lots of prayers and plenty of uncountable hopes. Every single step counts the hope in me to see him safe and sound.
language: The usage is simple and direct. There are few spelling mistakes, should recheck the writing before posting it.
· Style: The writing style is creative and emphasizes more on dialogue form. Font usage is not standardized perhaps the writer wants it to be creative but it doesn’t reach readers expectation because it looks not well organised but it was a good approach to make the reading interesting.
· Plausibility/ suspension of disbelief: The starting of the story shows what kind of story it would be. In addition, the writer explains the cultural background of the characters and suddenly breaks the suspense once the protagonist received a phone call. It was an unexpected thought by reader.
· Quality of writing: The writing was good and creative. Based on the situation described in the story, the writer does mention beautiful place setting which involves imaginative thinking while reading the paragraph. Lastly, nativization elements are used in the dialogues.
- Aspects to improve : Language and different style of narration.
- What i liked about the fiction : The way the writer convey the story and local character and settings.
